Feeling a little lonely again and i just want to press “rewind”. These photos make me smile. Randomly decided to go to Tagaytay with my friends despite the fact that we had classes the next day. Slept over, drank and had a really good laugh. Good times indeed! Tagaytay, 2011.
Day 5: Write about a habit that you wish you didn’t have and explain why.
I have this bad habit of unconsciously licking my lips all the time, especially when i’m talking to someone with chapped lips. I don’t know, i just hate having dry lips, i find it so unattractive. I always make sure my lips aren’t choppy and, talking to someone with chappy lips? it bothers me so much, to the point that i would actually ask the person i’m talking to, to lick their lips or apply a chapstick. I remember when i was younger, my yaya suggested that i apply red pepper on my lips just to break my habit of licking it all the time. Yes, its true that dry lips aren’t attractive, but so is licking your lips way too often. (especially when you get caught on camera) god knows how many pictures i’ve had to untag/remove because i was caught licking my lips. Definitely not a pretty sight.
“You haven’t dampened my spirits,” she told the rain.
So…. This is me, in a corporate attire. I don’t think i could ever pull off the whole “i look prim and proper” look like most girls, So honestly, i don’t even bother anymore. Haha tomorrow is a Wednesday, and Wednesday means Corpo day. (THE DAY I DREAD THE MOST) Tonight will definitely be a struggle of finding another corpo attire that looks proper and not too… slutty. He he he
This day hasn’t exactly been easy for me. I’ve been trying to channel my energy and emotions into doing something productive for school, but i always end up spacing out. The slightest memory tears me into pieces, the mention of his name brings instant tears into my eyes, i’m a mess. I hate him. I can’t even remember how many time’s ive cried ever since the break up, How many times i’ve told myself “Never again”. The pain is just so consuming and i can’t help but wonder how could he do this to me? How could he put me through so much pain and at the same time, keep telling me that he “loves” me? LIES, LIES, LIES. I can’t believe that the guy i have been spending time with since December of 2010, the guy i trusted with every fiber of my being, the guy i loved with all my heart, the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, is the exact same guy who destroyed me. who crushed my self-esteem, how made me feel that i’m not good enough, who made me feel the worse kind of pain any person could possibly feel. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Greys Anatomy:
”You didn’t love her! You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love!”
Isn’t it true? If you really loved a person, that person would always be at back of your mind and you’d try your best not to do anything to disappoint/hurt that person. But that wasn’t the case, i guess. And i can’t help but conclude that he didn’t love me, he didn’t know what love was. I was dumb enough to think that i changed him, that what we had was real. MOTHER FUCK, LIFE SUCKS. I feel like i’ve completely lost myself. I thought i was strong. I thought that whatever heartbreak comes my way, i’d be tough enough to handle it. Turns out, i’m not. Whats even sadder is that i can’t talk to my friends about it. It pisses me off because despite what he has done to me, at the end of the day, i still think about his welfare. tanginang buhay to.
Day 4: Post a song that best desribes how you feel at the moment. This would have been perfect, except i don’t have hazel eyes. HA HA
“A woman can handle almost anything if you tell her the truth about it, but if you lie to her, you will undermine her faith in herself, and ultimately her trust in you. Tell her the truth. Let her work it out. You can damage love and love will repair; but once you damage trust, you’ve got a rough road to walk. A lie needs support, but the truth stands alone.”
Hardest decision i’ve ever had to make, now all that’s left to do is live with it.
And at that moment, my chest hurt. it tightened as if it was being squeezed really hard. It was painful. i couldn’t breathe. I ended up abandoning my principles, I bought a cigarette. i huffed and I puffed until my chest was more painful than it was earlier on. Suddenly I had a reason, I had a reason why my chest hurt. It might not be the original cause of the pain, but it’s what I’ll use anyway. Just to convince myself— to convince myself that the real reason is still unknown.
Day 3 - Post a picture of yourself and a family member, write about him/her a little.
My sister and i are nothing alike, people would always say that we are the complete opposite. I’m loud, she’s quiet. I’m dark, she’s white. I have a hard time in anything related to numbers, she excels in it. I go crazy most of the time, she’s always sane. I’m friendly, she’s aloof. I enjoy partying my ass out, she would rather stay at home. I’m sweet to the people i care about while she’s… distant.
We used to be very close when we were little, things just started to change when she had to live in korea for 3 years. When she went back to the Philippines, things started to get ugly between her and me. I was always jealous of her because i’ve always felt like she was mom’s favorite. I cringed every time i see my my mom and her be all sweet and affectionate towards each other. (Our childhood days mostly composed of me & her fighting, making each other cry.) I never realized how much i loved her until i had my first heart break and she was there for me. I remember we were having dinner when i suddenly broke down into tears. She panicked and i saw how worried and sad she was. She listened to me as i cried my heart out and at that moment, that was more than enough.
She’s this one person i know i can always count on, that one person i know who will never betray me, and i’m just so grateful to have someone like her in my life. We still fight now, but not as much, and not for the same reasons we used to. I love her with all my heart and i’m ready to bitch slap anyone who crosses her or breaks her heart.
Things haven’t been the same between me and my boyfriend lately. For some reason, the smallest things he does pisses me off and i just end up bitching out on him. The constant bickering, the snide remarks and the shallow arguments we’ve been having lately is seriously driving me insane. Expectations fuck everything up. I’ve always known that but for some reason, i just keep expecting so much from him. Probably because i myself am willing to do just as much for him and wouldn’t even think twice about it. I love him, that hasn’t changed one bit. But i can’t deny the fact that i am getting tired. And it scares me. I don’t want to end up doing anything stupid like breaking up with him and walking away just because things aren’t easy right now. I guess what i really just want is for things to change. i want to go back to how we were before: Happy, chill and carefree.
