Growing up, i have always felt the need to be strong, not only for myself but for my little sister as well. I grew up with a lot of anger and frustration built up, and it was hard for me to cope especially when my yaya (The nanny who was more than a mother to me, decided to leave). I wouldn’t say i grew up miserable, because even as a little kid, i found happiness in the smallest of things. I always convinced myself that life is beautiful and that happiness is a choice, but it’s hard to stay happy when you go home to someone who does not understand you, to someone who constantly nags and picks out your flaws, someone who embarrasses you when she doesn’t get her way and someone who would scar you with words and wake up the next day, act as if nothing had happened.
I cannot begin to explain the pain and despair in knowing that i have an alcoholic in my family who is unable to deal with her own challenges and has to resort to drinking in order to forget her problems. It is hard to feel loved, or believe the sentence “I love you” when it’s coming from someone who is almost never sober. I believe that proclaiming love for someone demands a level of selflessness, and drinking, to be perfectly blunt, is a selfish behavior.
it’s hard to respect someone who slurs when you talk to her, it’s hard to respect someone who always has a bottle of vodka in her hand. It hurts to see her “un-well”, to hear her crying about how unhappy she is, to see open bottles – empty bottles. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m drained. Sometimes all i want to do is pack my bags and run away. But i love her, God knows how much i love her. And even if i too can be a shitty daughter, i am trying. All i really want right now is for things to change, for things to get better. I for the life of me will never fully understand the mind-frame of a drinker, and perhaps you may think that I’m naive in my hopes for a better future. It’s times like this I wish I had a father.
Because I’ve always wanted to be a princess :)
Bitch (noun): A woman who won’t bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion - be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it’s just one person’s opinion; therefore, it’s of no real importance. She doesn’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards - only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.
Way to make me feel loved! #BestGayfriendEver
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Summer is about to end and i guess i can say that despite all that’s happened (camera and phone getting wrecked, missing 2 of my flights, flying for the 3rd flight and having to go through the Kalibo route all alone, going home to Manila completely broke) It was all still worth it.
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It’s funny how the moment i feel i’m getting attached to someone, i run for my life. Most of the guys i have dated almost always have the same comment and that’s that i don’t know what the hell i want. And i guess it’s true. One moment, i like a guy and i really want it to work, the next, i ignore the living shit out of him and pretend we never happened, or… I end it, out of the blue. And most often than not, i change my mind again and try to fix things. And just when things are about to get better, i find a reason to convince myself that he just isn’t the one. It’s fucked up. It’s wrong. Even i’m rolling my eyes at myself as i read what i just wrote.
I’m not sure if it’s just that i’m scared to fall in love again or if it’s because I’ve grown to become a cynical person who just doesn’t get the point of being in a committed relationship at this age. I’d like to think i’m happy the way i am- single and free. And the thought of having a guy change that simply horrifies me. I guess i really am convinced that this whole love thing is like winning the lottery, there’s a one n a million chance that it’ll last. So really, what’s the point?
I am only 20 years old and is it so bad that all i want to do right now is have fun? Hopefully i can find someone who gets that, someone who can chill the eff out and won’t have to rush and pressure me into getting into a committed relationship where he feels like he has a say about me, my whereabouts and the people i hangout with. That shit just freaks me out. I have always been a free spirit and trying to control me is the fastest way to push me away. After the recent incident that have just happened, i must say that my guard and my walls can’t get any higher than it is right now.
Hi guys, I get too OC at times and i always have to pile the questions up to 20 before i answer them on Tumblr. I want to keep my blog tidy so i decided to make an ask.fm account. Haha please just ask your questions here instead! :) will I will try my best to entertain all questions! Thanks guys x x
Ps. All unanswered questions in my Tumblr inbox will be transferred and answered here
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Another random trip to the beach! From Hamilo Coast, Pico De Loro to Tali to Fuego. The fun just never stops with these lovely people. :) Click on the link below to see more pictures xx
The good life xx
No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep. So Here’s to the crazy nights i can barely remember and to the people i have come to love and will never forget <3
Ps. I post pictures for me, my friends and for my followers. Haters who have nothing good to say… Do yourselves a favor, get off my page and stop wasting your time bitchin’ on my ask box. Have a good day ;)
I promised myself i’d enjoy my college life, i always had the phrase “Life is short” at the back of my mind which is why i always made sure i’d make the most out of it. And so i took every opportunity that came my way, i partied hard when i could, i had random road trips, i booked flights, i traveled, i made sure that i wasn’t merely just existing, but that i was LIVING. However, i also made sure that I’ve done all that needs to be done in school. I was responsible enough to know that education comes first and i am pleased to say that i graduated on time and never in my life have i had a grade lower than B-. (Well, except for math and devcom, But fuck that.)
I always knew people had a lot to say about me and the way i lived my life. I was well aware about the haters rolling their eyes every time they’d hear that i missed school to be in boracay or whatnot. But as i look back, as i browse pictures from my timeline, i can’t help but have a big smile on my face. All those crazy nights, all those random trips, all those beautiful memories i made were definitely worth it. And when i grow up, when i look back at my college life, i wouldn’t cringe at the thought of books, numbers and thesis, i would be delighted at the memories because i made them my own, i made them worth remembering. So again,
Anyway, i had dinner with family after graduation and went straight to cable car to meet up with friends. We pregamed and moved to Cabana at exactly 12 am. We celebrated my graduation day and i must say, the toasts and speeches they made will never be forgotten. I fucking love these guys. More pictures here